You’re not an idiot. That should go without saying, but a lot of times this is how we see ourselves. The truth is that you are very smart.
If you have given up trying to communicate with your spouse, one might say “why have you given up? Don’t you know that it’s not going to get better if you don’t work at it”? The problem is that, to you, it really does look like communication with that person is not going to work. You’ve tried communicating over and over again, and it always seems to go south. So you stop trying to communicate. After all, why would you work for me all day if you knew I wasn’t going to pay you? Why would you try to communicate if you believed it wasn’t going to work out? From where you’re standing it really does look hopeless. Otherwise you wouldn’t give up. Because you’re not an idiot.
The same thing goes for our feelings and the way we react to them. If you are avoiding things that other people don’t have a problem with, that can look silly or embarrassing. But you’re not an idiot. If you’re avoiding something then it is only because it really seems dangerous to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t avoid it.
So you do things that are smart, based on the way it looks to you at the time…because you’re not an idiot. Get it?