Sometimes you have to break your own rules.
We all learned to live by rules. As a child you grew up in a family that had rules. Maybe the rules were “mom is always right” or “don’t talk about daddy’s drinking”. Maybe the rule was “no matter what you do it’s not good enough”. These rules were not posted on the wall of our homes. Rather, they were taught to us in very subtle ways by our family or other important people.
Imagine a young boy who learned that crying is for girls. How does this rule affect him as he becomes a man? Perhaps he feels ashamed of himself for having normal feelings of sadness, for having normal times of crying. Perhaps he learns that he is not good enough because he cannot help but cry at times, but by crying he is doing something wrong, he IS wrong. He may learn to hate himself.
Or imagine someone who gets abused, but when they go to tell someone they are made to feel that they did something wrong. They may have had a rule that said “don’t’ talk about the family outside of the house”. I’ve seen how this affects people. Maybe you learned this one the hard way. That child blames herself.
Part of healing is realizing that we have lived by rules, and that those rules don’t have to be obeyed anymore. That is why it is so important to open up to other people, to break the rules that tell us that we should keep quiet.